Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
