Can Purell be used as lube?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
