i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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