i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
