Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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