I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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