their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
