she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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