so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
