mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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