Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
