So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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