Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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