dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
