in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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