The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
