I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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