i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
