just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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