If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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