I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
