god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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