we're chasing vodka with high fives
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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