last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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