Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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