smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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