I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
