You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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