OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
