I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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