she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
