Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
