I need help removing her.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
