Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
