who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
