you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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