He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
