I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
