he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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