Having a random hookup so left but love u
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
