dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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