i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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