Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
