I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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