oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
