god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
