the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
