i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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