would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
