I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
