I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
